The Overwhelming Feeling of Being Alone

Written 10/10/2020 

Am I really alone?  No, I am actually rarely alone.  And this is the rub of this deployment thing. I have three kids to manage and a dog, who actually belongs to my husband, but he is not here, is he.  So I never feel alone, yet I always feel alone.  I am alone in the duty of driving my kids to and from ballet (4x a week), gymnastics (2x a week), swim team (2x a week), music lessons (1x a week), seminary (2x a week), church youth meetings (1x a week),  allergy shots (1x a week), and horseback riding lessons (1x a week).  I leave a kid alone to do their homework while I am out dealing with a different kid and I hope that the homework is being done.  I arrive home to a dark house with three kids who need dinner after all our lesson and the dog, who has been alone, now wants to play.  It is exhausting and I feel like I am barely holding on most of the time.  Before deployment I was not very flexible and during deployment, I am even less so.  Our lives need to run like clockwork because it is already more than I can handle so any cog thrown in the wheel will do me in!  Heaven forbid I oversleep by 15 min (my alarm goes off at 5:00am, unearthly hour) because then I will not get a shower before I am off to teach yoga three times a day.  At least I am alone in the shower.

But, this man.....

This man is who I am doing my best to support.  Yes, I probably whine to him more than I should and he listens with patience (the benefits of being married to a social worker.)  I am proud of him as the Director of Operations on the base and I get more proud when I can hear the excitement in his voice as he details what he is learning and the opportunities he is having.  I know that this is a growing experience for all of us.  I rely more on my kids to help out so that I do not feel so alone in my daily duties and decisions.  I rely on Facetime to run my feelings and concerns by Josh.  I rely more on the Lord to make the difference and I am never truly alone.

Are you in preparing for a deployment or in the midst of one?  Get my Top 10 List for Surviving Deployment here! https://www.yogatraveler.net/top-10-tips-to-survive-deployment