The LDS Air Force Wife: Disconnection

Lately, my blog posts have been like a travel log and not so much my thoughts. I sometimes feel like my thoughts do not matter all that much to any but my little family, but I have had a lot of realizations as of late here in Misawa. I was in the Japanese grocery store, Universe, last week and noticed that I have shifted. Instead of being amazed at what I saw and wide eyed about being in a foreign and exciting country, I looked around and noticed that I was used to a lot of things. So used to some of the items in fact that I had a distinct impression that one day I will miss these things. One day I will not be able to go to a market and find the new food items that we like to cook. I did not realize that I had turned a corner from wonder and awe into acceptance of my surroundings.

I also realize some sacrifices about living here that I could not fully anticipate before we came. We knew that we would be missing a lot of family things and goings on in the states but we were shown this world of travel and adventure and we eagerly got on the plane. I feel like I am split in two sometimes between my life here and the life I left behind with my family and friends. My sister in law is getting married in May and we are excited for her and want to meet her finance in person. There is real possibility that we will not be able to attend as we may not all get on the space available plane (it is like flying standby.) This makes me sad of course and I recognize that the things we miss, we will never be able to relive. I also have his strange feeling of disconnection. I know that there is a wedding going on and I want to be involved but there is nothing I can do. When my mother-in-law emails all of us about ways that we can help, I am tempted to just delete the email. Because what can I do? But I need to be grateful for these emails because she is just trying to involve me, which I appreciate, and it would do me well to try to understand what is going on in Salt Lake. I have these same feelings about my brother, my only brother, who will become a dad in April. How I wish for more involvement and when might I get to hold my new little nephew? So far we will have missed the birth of three nephews, my grandfather's funeral, and the wedding of my sister in law. Yet, then we plan a trip to South Korea, a place that was never on my radar until seven months ago. It such a conundrum in my mind!

I want my family to know that I do care about what goes on there. I realize the family memories that we are missing even as we are creating some unique ones of our own. We send of lots of prayers and letters to Salt Lake because that is something we can do. I appreciate the emails and letters and care packages that we receive in return to help us remember that we are not forgotten.