Achieving Balance

Have I achieved balance?  Yoga on the beach Carlsbad, CA

How do we achieve balance? How do we balance between our family life, work, religious life, and exercise and recreation? Right now I feel out of balance due to Josh's absence.  The things I value in my life are my family and spending time with them, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and my physical body since I teach yoga, ballet, and Zumba.  There have been times when I have been able to juggle them all and feel that I am doing each part justice but that is not always case because that is just life.  I normally do not ebb and flow very well, as evidenced by my "poor me" post of last week.  I struggle to keep everything under my control and tend to have breakdowns when things fall through the cracks.  Josh usually talks me through these breakdowns so it is doubly hard when he is not around.  Before Josh left, I made it a goal to keep my kids schedules the same as when he had been here.  I am really trying hard to stick to our daily routines and to not cut things out with the excuse that dad is gone.  This includes having family home evenings and our family MTC (Sunday morning scripture reading, Friend reading, and letter writing).  I was raised by a single mother (my father died from leukemia when I was five) and I have no illusions that I need a priesthood holder to continue with these practices.  My kids miss their dad but their lives have not been disrupted terribly so I think they are making it through ok.

But then I started thinking if I am truly balanced.  I do not think I am.  Most of the time I feel that I am drowning in my work and just trying to keep up.  I spend a lot of time planning lessons for yoga, ballet, Zumba, and my church calling as the Primary Chorister.  While I normally enjoy this preparation, it has felt like a bit of a chore these last two weeks.  I don't think I have found my balance yet though I am doing better than last week.  I think I am just adjusting to a new kind of normal. At a yoga class on Wednesday, I was talking to my friend Jessica.  She told me that tends to take whatever time she has during the day to read the scriptures.  This is due to life's inconsistency.  Sometimes it may be easier to just have the scriptures out on the counter to be picked up during the rare moments of quiet.  This seems to work for me as well.  I do not really consistently at one time during the day, just whenever I can.  So, I am asking you all, how do you find balance?  How do you find time to take care of your families needs, succeed at work, devote time to religious studies, and enjoy positive recreation?  Post your tips because I need all the help I can get!

Day 1

This was our last weekend together before Josh went to COT (Commissioned Officer Training) today.  We had some nice family time.  We went to the U of U Gymnastics meet, to lunch and dinner, and to see a movie.  We hoped to fill the kids with good memories that we can think of while Josh is gone.

I watched Josh with the kids on Sunday and we will really miss the energy he brings into the house.  Daddies bring laughter and fun that is different from a mom.  The kids were enjoying trying to scare Josh.  He would simply growl at them and they would squeal.  It was such a happy sound.  I hope that we will have happy sounds without him here.  They will just be different happy sounds.  Josh gave the kids a father’s blessing after dinner.  It is so nice to have his priesthood influence and I am sure we will miss that as well.  The blessings were tender and sweet.  He gave me a blessing also.  The phrase that stood out to me was when he said that there are people who are willing to help me if I will only ask.  Sometimes I have a hard time asking for help so I will have to be mindful of this.  The night was sweet and filled with a good spirit.

Josh went to the airport this morning (Tuesday) at 5:00am.  This will probably be a long day for him.  The kids and I had a busy day so we kept our minds off dad a bit.  We did not really notice his absence during the day because he is usually gone to work anyway.  At dinner time though, Bub asked if dad was coming.  I reminded him that dad is not coming home.  He started to cry.  He does miss Josh and he will notice.  I always get sad night too.  Nighttime was my hardest time after having babies for the baby blues and I feel similarly tonight.  Pants is getting sick and she was having a hard time at dinner too.  I quickly bathed the kids because I could tell that she needed to go to sleep.  She was cold, feeling sick, and crying for Josh.  She said, “I want my daddy.”  Me too Pants!  This made me cry which did not help her at all.  I need to stay strong for them but they need to know that it is ok to be sad.  We need to help each other during this time.  Bear can be so insightful.  She was very tender with me after having her own cry.  She said that we need to think about the good things that daddy is doing for us while he is gone.  She can be mature beyond her years at times.  I am anxious to hear from Josh.

Last weekend together- Ice Cream!